An Open Letter to the Brokenhearted on Mother’s Day

My Dear Sweet Friend,

What I have to say isn’t for those on a sentimental high of celebratory accolades and recognition. This isn’t your typical Mother’s Day blog post full of ironic humor and adorable pictures of frazzled moms and food smeared chubby toddlers. I’m pretty sure you won’t have a hard time finding something like that elsewhere, if that’s what you’re looking for. But, you won’t find it here.

This is an open letter to the brokenhearted. An acknowledgment of those who may feel as though they reside on the outskirts of society on days like today. Who think that they are alone in their pain. This is for those whose mothers have passed, and the only way they can give them flowers today is to lay them on their graves. This is for the women who have made their homes in the valley of barrenness. This is for those who look into the beautiful faces of their children and still see the ghosts of what could have been, what they feel should have been. This is for those whose arms ache with the emptiness of loss and hope. This is for those who have piles of home pregnancy tests stashed all over their homes, waiting for that confirmation of life. This is for those who are haunted by the guilt of choices that can’t be undone and wonder, what if? This is for those who gave their children away long ago and wonder what became of them. This is for the children of mothers who gave less than they needed and are still left with the void. This is even for those who shrug and think, it’s just another day when, in the space of truth that lies beneath, they know that it’s not. This is for the woman who puts on a brave face and smiles until her cheeks hurt, only to steal moments alone with her head tilted back, fingers gently patting away tears before her concealer breaks and her mascara runs.

I’ve carried a burden for you. Yes, you. I thought of you and your pain and laid it along side my own burden of brokenness, before hoisting it onto my back and wearing it for the last week. I counted down the days till Sunday, sadness tinging each moment, sighs escaping my mouth at will and without conscious provocation.  As I sit here snuggled up on my couch in a velvety soft blanket, my stomach is in knots at the thought of going against the grain and speaking to a population that many people would rather pretend don’t exist. I guess I’m unique in that I belong to both groups. There have been times when I would rather not deal with the messiness of sadness and loss. When I found it easier to pretend. But that’s exhausting and tiresome and debilitating and any other number of words you can think of to explain that it’s no longer worth my time.

I am the mother of a stillborn. An oxymoron of an existence. Do I count as a mother? Do I ignore the pain that fills me like air on days like this? Do I pretend that I don’t feel the undercurrent of pain that my eyes were opened to the moment tragedy struck?

I won’t do that. I won’t pretend that I don’t see you. I see you, I feel you and I care for you. For lack of a better way to put it; it sucks to be us right now. The truth is that if we’d had a choice, none of us would have joined this club.

But we’re here now and I found myself asking God, “What do I say to them, Lord?” I didn’t feel that I had anything to offer until I remembered that we don’t have to keep carrying our burdens . It’s a choice we make. I’m not going to give you a Christian cliche and advise you to lay your burdens down. I prefer to think of it as simply letting go. That’s what I did.

I gave birth to my deceased daughter, and had her cremated. Then, I had no choice but to learn how to live in The After. Some things forever change you, without fanfare, quietly and totally. This was one of those things. I railed against God. I was consumed with a simmering rage that only seemed to grow as, even in my grief stricken state, I realized that I needed Him. And the whole time, He was right there. Through my rage, my numbness and my years of insidious resentment. He was right there.

Because you see, the Lord is near to the brokenhearted* and binds up all their wounds**.
I know this, not because I read it, but because I lived it. He was faithful to walk with me through sorrow, and I came to know Him in the fellowship oLetting Gof His suffering. My point is that I never had to lay my burden down. I eventually let it go because it’s hard to hang on to your stuff when you’re constantly in the presence of the Almighty. It really is darn near impossible. Trust me, I tried.

He bound up my wounds, but that doesn’t mean they don’t still hurt. Pain is a part of the healing process. I had surgery months ago, and I still hurt at the site of the wound when it’s going to rain. I’m still healing, and those twinges are part of that healing. I might feel those twinges for the rest of my life, but that’s OK. The pain that led me to the surgical table was far more excruciating than the twinges I feel now. The same is true for the emotional and spiritual trauma we can’t see. Over time, you will still feel sadness. You will still shed tears.

But, you won’t be broken forever.

When the pain is overwhelming, when you can’t see past it and wonder how you’ll go on, just remind yourself that it won’t be like this forever. Shed your tears, remember the good, take a few deep breaths and know that you can go on.

He said, “Naked I came out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD.” Job 1:21

XoXo,

Faith

*Psalm 34:18, **Psalm 147:3

Ummm, So I’m Kinda Really Feeling This YouTube Thang…

What’s up, y’all? Your girl has been slacking. I haven’t been sharing my thoughts and encouragement here lately, but it’s not for lack of the desire to do so. I’ve just been dealing with a lot of things related to my health, and one of the side effects of that is brain fog. Like, serious “what’s my mama’s name, again?” brain fog. I send text messages that need Google Translations to decipher. Writing this post alone is taking me longer than I care to admit.

Me being me, I decided to make an effort to connect with you all, no matter what. If I can’t write like I want to (at least for right now), I can still flap my gums! So, that’s what my YouTube channel is all about. In some ways, connecting with you on that platform provides a unique opportunity for me to share my life with you in a far more intimate manner than this blog. I think that’s a good thing, and I hope you guys do, too.

But, don’t worry. This blog is my baby and I’ll definitely get back to going hard on it again once I get my health in order. If you’re curious as to what kind of health issues I’m dealing with, check out my videos. I’m not shy about operating in full disclosure (as you might have noticed by now, lol) but I go a little deeper on my YT channel.

My goals there will be the same as my goals are here: to transparently share my life and thoughts for the purpose of encouragement. I promise to keep it all the way real (like FO’REAL) because I’m learning that perfection has no place in my life. Plus, if I can continue to put one foot in front of the other, despite the hardships of life, someone watching will see that they can, too.

You all are my people. My tribe. My fam. It is my hope that the community I eventually discover on YouTube is as awesome and inspiring as the community that I’ve found here. I have a feeling that adding that platform to my repertoire is going to result in a wild ride. A beautiful mess that I can’t wait to share with you! The blessing that is our future is waiting.

Let’s get it.

XoXo,

Faith

 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1: 1-4

Oh and before I go, don’t forget to subscribe to my channel, so you won’t miss a thing. I’ll continue doing my Conversations with Faith, but I’m adding weekly vlogs as well. Plus, soon there’ll be a series called Confessions of Faith, where I talk about the MANY mistakes I’ve made in the past and explain how God’s grace brought me through. Don’t be a stranger, come holla at me over there. 🙂

Conversation with Faith: No Weapon Formed Shall Prosper

What’s up, Fam? I hope all of you are living the dream and walking out your purpose! I know I’ve been missing in action lately, but I’ve got a lot going on physically. For now, it’s easier for me to make videos than write. So I’m vlogging!

In this video, I’m just venting on some things. I hope that something I say encourages you and if nothing else, makes you smile! By the way, I open up with song, LOL. You don’t want to miss this!

 

 

Hugs and kisses to you all! What do you do when life starts going bananas? Let me know in the comments below. 🙂

Conversations with Faith: The Deep End of the Ocean

Gon’ ‘head, click on the video, and tip toe up in my business.

We overcome by the words of our testimony, y’all. That’s one of the reasons why I wanted to share my experience with you guys. The other is that I want anyone who is going through a trying time right now, to know that they are NOT alone. I got you. And more importantly, God’s got you.

Much love,

Faith

P.S. Subscribe to your girl’s YouTube Channel. I’m all lonely and stuff over there with my lil’ 4 subscribers.

Is the struggle I talked about familiar to you? Have you ever been in a situation like that? Keep it all the way real with me and tell me about how you overcame in the comments below.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

I WISH ALL OF YOU A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A BLESSED PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!!!!!

Me and two of my sisters. I wish my other sister had been there!

Me and two of my sisters. I wish my other sister had been there!

Mama enjoying playing Dirty Santa. She stole my gift!

Mama enjoying playing Dirty Santa. She stole my gift!

Me and the youngest sister. She's glowing from her new engagement!

Me and the youngest sister. She’s glowing from her new engagement!

See y’all next year!

XoXo,

Faith

How To Overcome Heartbreak

Hey, lovely people! Long time, no “see”. When I say that 2016 has done a number on me, I ain’t lying. From my cancer scare, to the hysterectomy, to complete healing in my body, I have been on an emotional and physical roller coaster. But I’ll tell you something that’s been solid as a rock; my faith. I could preach a sermon and tell a testimony that would have a non-believer giving God thanks, but I won’t do that today. Just know that God is good, and He is oh, so faithful!

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I’m starting to get back in the swing of things. I’ll be returning to work, after a 6 month leave, at the start of 2017. Hopefully, my life will be back to normal. With ALL that being said, I’m finally back to blogging! And I couldn’t wait to share one of the latest projects I’m participating in.

One of my author friends, Ms. Nicole Miller, was on a broadcast with me earlier this year about the challenges of living a celibate lifestyle. What I shared on that call about a previous relationship must have resonated with Nicole, because she contacted me to collaborate on a book project with her about overcoming heartbreak. I was only too pleased to oblige, and we spent about 30 minutes on the phone taking a heart wrenching walk down memory lane.

I shared some intimate things, y’all. Like some stuff I haven’t even shared on this blog and you guys know I be letting you all up in my business. Things like being in a totally dysfunctional foul jacked up relationship and not thinking that I deserved better. Things like losing my daughter when I was 7 and a half months pregnant. I’m telling y’all, we went in.

Then, through the magic of publishing, a wonderful book appeared in my mailbox yesterday. It’s entitled How to Overcome Heartbreak: Stories That Heal and it’s absolutely overflowing with genuine stories of men and women who have experienced heartbreak AND how they overcame that heartbreak. Let me assure you that Nicole knows exactly what she’s doing. I was all over the place in my interview and she put it together in a way that truly allowed my story to shine. She did the same with every single person interviewed for this project.

The truth is that most of us have experienced heartbreak in some capacity or another. The key is to move past that heartbreak and to do so with grace. To not allow bitterness to set up residence in your heart, and to transition into a place where you are once again open, and ready to receive and give love.

So that’s all for now, folks. I had to share How to Overcome Heartbreak: Stories That Heal with you because I really feel like it will touch a lot of people and bring them to a heart space of peace. Get a copy for yourself, some friends or anyone you think would benefit from reading it!*

Until next time…

Get real with your girl and tell me about your own story of heartbreak and how you overcame it. Let’s have our own little therapy session together. 😉

*I am not receiving any compensation for participating in this project. I am simply doing it because I truly believe in the healing power of words.*

Don’t Be Mad At Ya Girl!

 

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I know I’m in the dog house for leaving y’all hanging. I had every intention of updating you guys on my health status as soon as possible. Somebody lied and told me I was Superwoman. I think the heffa was me. I mean, who actually thinks that major surgery isn’t going to slow them down?

Anyway, I’m happy to report that I am cancer free! *Internally jumps up and down with glee while doing a holy dance.* You don’t know how happy I was to wake up from that operation without a single chemo port in me. The first thing I did after thanking God that I even woke up, was check for ports. When I didn’t find any, I almost couldn’t believe it. Just to confirm, I asked the nurses. I might have been high as a kite and speaking gibberish, because they looked at me like I was crazy. Eventually, a resident came over and gave me the good news. I’ve never been so relieved in my life.

I took a video for y’all the day after surgery  while I was still in the hospital. It will never EVER see the light of day. Talk about a hot mess. I didn’t even know I could be so gray. And so swollen. Not a good look, to say the least. I stayed in the hospital for a total of about 32 hours, then I got sent home despite my protests.

I’ll post later on the recovery process, but suffice it to say that it sucked. I had some setbacks, but I made it through. In a few more weeks I’ll be cleared to resume normal activities. In the meantime and in between time, I’m enjoying the housework restrictions and copious episodes of Parks and Recreation.

I so appreciate all the love I received in the form of flowers, cards, well wishes, prayers and phone calls. I’m truly blessed!

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