Confessions of Faith: Why Me?

CrossroadsIt’s the universal cry of victims everywhere: Why do bad things happen to good people? If the perpetuating description of an all-seeing, all-knowing, loving God is factual, then why did He allow something horrible to happen to me? Is He punishing me? Does He care? Is He apathetic or just vindictive? Why me?

I’ve been there. I’ve been in a position to ask all of the questions above and struggled with accepting the answers. I’ve been in a place where heaven was silent and my soul settled into desolate waiting, straining for even a whisper of hope. Here’s the thing about waiting: you only do it when you have an expectation. While waiting, your emotions run amok. From hopeful anticipation, to impatience, to anger, to disappointment, to hurt and doubt that what you’re waiting for will ever arrive. Eventually, the questions evolve from whether or not God is apathetic or vindictive, but whether you’ll allow yourself to become that way.

It’s a choice. A crisis of faith. It’s a crossroads with two choices: to decide that we live in a universe full of random unfiltered occurrences, or to decide that everything happens for a reason and that there is purpose in every life changing event. If you choose the former, the questions stop. Life is random, uncontrolled and the chips will fall where they may. If you choose the latter, the questions change, and a lifetime is spent coming to terms with the answers. I chose the latter.

My question became SINCE the perpetuating description of an all-seeing, all-knowing, loving God is factual, then why did He allow something horrible to happen to me? I chose to come from a place of trust, believing that the God who loves me would have purpose for my pain. The victim’s cry of ‘why me’ turned into the victor’s cry of ‘why me’. The question is the same, but the intent is different. If I believe that all things work together for my good, then I begin to look for that good in every situation. Is it easy? Never. Is it worth it? Always. My faith does not make me exempt from the valleys of life. My faith gives those valleys purpose.

So in the end, the ultimate question is why NOT me? Why should I be the one human on earth free of any sort of suffering in my lifetime? I shifted my mentality and accepted that if God is in control, then He allows both the good and the bad. I can’t thank Him for one and resent Him for the other. I chose to believe, and when I did I realized that heaven had never been silent and that in all my waiting, I failed to quiet my accusations and demands long enough to hear. The truth of His love was there all the time.

Do I have all the answers? No, and I doubt I ever will. What I do have is a firm grip on a faith that is not reliant on expectant outcomes. I don’t have all the answers, but I’ve learned to ask the right questions. And I think that’s a good start.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 KJV

Xoxo,

Faith

Have you ever had a crisis of faith? How did you get through it? What did you take away from the experience?

Photo credit: Mavroudis Kostas / Foter / CC BY-SA

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Confessions of Faith: Why Me?

  1. Hi Faith,
    This touched my soul. Yes I’ve been through such, I think we all have at one point. Mine was in the form of a stay in the hospital, long story short, about 2 years ago, I collapsed on a plane and found myself in intensive care for weeks. At some point I’ll give full disclosure on my testimony but back to my test of faith….on release from the hospital, the pain I was in was so excruciating that I went from begging for healing, to anger to hopelessness to prayer and all over again. It even caused me to stop blogging, after all how do you blog when you’re struggling to hold on to hope? But then one day I started confessing, ignoring the pain and it stopped…, that pushed me to another level…if in all that I had died, what would I tell God I did with the gift He gave me?..So I penned my first novel and haven’t looked back. Once in a while I still feel pain but I work through it…
    A bit long winded but I was so moved by this post.

    Like

    • Wow, if that’s just part of the testimony, I can’t wait to hear the rest! That’s a perfect example of how horrible occurences can shake us up and give a new perspective on life. I totally understand what you mean by giving an account of the gifts God has given us. It’s amazing how many people sit on their talents (including me)! Thank you so much for sharing Unoma, and I’m looking forward to hearing more about your walk with God.

      Like

  2. Faith, this was very moving! I know it’s cliche but I think it all boils down to “everything happens for a reason.” Sometimes, we look back on our lives and go, “Ah! So that’s why that happened to me!” And sometimes, we just never know why things happen. I believe there’s a lesson in it all, and the true test is will we trust God to bring us through, despite our situation? It is so important to have faith in life. Truly!

    Like

    • Hi Quanie, cliches exist because they hold so much truth. You’re absolutely right that everything happens for a reason. I love when I can see things working for my good, and learn a valuable lesson. It’s frustrating when I struggle to understand the why of some things, but like you said, that’s when trusting God is the only answer.

      P.S. You must be a super woman to have just had a baby and still find time to blog AND interact on the web. Either that, or you have an amazing support network. Whatever it is, I’m glad about it!

      Like

  3. That’s the perfect photo for this post. There’s something about the pavement of the path that speaks to me.

    Faith-promoting experiences seem to fall under one of those writing taboos that hadn’t ought to be. Writing sympathetically about religion is often regarded with suspicion: Some folks don’t want to read about beliefs, unless the writer is attacking them. This spills over into fiction, too.

    I like reading religious fiction. People can lose faith and regain it in interesting ways that make for good stories. Whatever one’s personal convictions may be, there are always important lessons to be learned from the lives of persons of faith.

    Like

    • Thanks Christine, the pic called out to me as the perfect example of standing at the crossroads of faith. To choose whether to walk towards God or away.

      It’s ironic that in a time when extreme tolerance for all kinds of lifestyles is promoted constantly, faith based conversation and writing does have a stigma associated with it. I’m not sure why that is. Maybe because, like you said, so much talk of religion focuses on attacking rather than personal experience. I totally agree that there are lessons to be learned from the lives of people of faith. I’m Christian, and I like to read about people from all walks of life, simply because people of all kinds fascinate me.

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

  4. Welcome to my Magical Blog. I was thrilled when I got the notice that you made the decision to follow me…What a compliment!
    I look forward to seeing you on my site often.
    I have been reading this post and will enjoy looking around your site as well.
    Again…Welcome and God Bless!

    Like

I want to hear from you!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s